Stairs

 

So, I was at the mall. There's an escalator that goes from the second floor to the first floor (because that is what escalators do; they take you from one floor to another, usually the one directly above or below, because escalators do not do diagonals, which would be weird and also probably illegal).

This escalator was out of service. There was a sign taped to it. The sign said, "Out of Service."

Here is my problem. An escalator that is not moving is not out of service. It is still providing a service. It is providing the service of being a stair. And a stair that does not move is literally what stairs are. So an "out of service" escalator is actually performing at 100% capacity as a stair. It has been promoted.

Now, stairs.

"Stairs" is always plural. Nobody says "stair." You can say "stair," but only if you are describing one specific stair, and if somebody built a single stair, that is not really a stair. That's a ledge. A ledge with ambition.

Also, why do we call them a "flight" of stairs? Stairs do not fly. If stairs could fly, we would not need them. You would just fly up. Birds do not have stairs. Airplanes do not have stairs. Well some do, but that's besides the point.

I think whoever named the "flight of stairs" had never seen stairs, or flight, or both.

My brother once told me he was going to "take the stairs." He did not take them. They are still there. He used them. There is a difference. If you take my sonic the hedgehog fidget spinner watch, I no longer have a watch (I would know, my watch is still missing). If you take the stairs, the stairs remain. Stairs are the only object I can think of that work this way. If you think of another, let me know. You can reach me through the contact page. (There is no contact page).

Anyway. Be careful on stairs.